I won't post The host spork until monday, sorry for the delay. Still, I just came up with something (well, technically I did a week ago, but I finally wrote it down)

The Bree Tanner drinking game:

Because let’s face it, the only two ways to enjoy this novella is either take the lulz road (Diego is gay for Riley and Bree’s too stupid to notice, etc ( Read more... )

I don't know why would I decide at 1am to write this thing, much less start it, but here it is. This is going to be how I would have writter the novella. Better or worst? I don't know, I haven't finished it for comparison (besides, that's subjective XD) but I feel like giving it a go even if I'm usually not one to write fanfiction (or anti-fiction ( Read more... )

  In which we finally kill off Bree, but not before a sequel bait and some more stupidity.
( Read more... )

In which we still not see the fight of Eclipse proving once again how Meyer sucks.

( Read more... )

Last time on “The secret life of the sparklers” Riley was giving the vamp crew the 411 on the Cullens (and I’m amazed Meyer didn’t use the 411) and they decided to take a hit of Edward’s brand of heroine. Also, Bree wondered if: Riley was lying to them (Yes, you twat!), if she should leave (see previous parenthesis) and if Diego was dead (see ( Read more... )

In which we have a picnic on a boat, pimpin' and the worst training session Meyer has ever written.
(  Maybe Riley was just saying that to keep people from questioning him. He probably didn’t want Raoul getting jealous and feeling second best when Riley needed him at his most arrogant today. I couldn’t be sure, and I wasn’t going usual, and watched the training. ) )

Here we learn the importance of teamwork, jealous back-up boyfriend and gay-angst. All of that and still no sight of Diego.

( I suddenly had the impression that this was a new Riley. Something had changed him, hardened him, but I couldn’t imagine what could have happened in one night to create that cruel, perfect smile.” )

This is a fanfic, not a spork. I wrote a couple of days ago at 1 am when I was doing my Bree argument.  Riley/Diego with some one-sided Bree/Diego.

( Chocolates, 300 and green boxers )

In which Bree takes a full night to complete half a thought, we see what Freaky Fred looks like and Meyer only knows places that start with the letter C.

(  I grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard, then let go. Riley had spoken of Diego affectionately. I would have to hope that affection was real. There wasn’t another choice. )

Welcome to part four where we have club adventures, pot calling kettle black, the very definition of idiot protagonist and cooties. Sadly no vamp chicks doing stuff. I feel tricked.

( “This is my idea. I’m the one who…” He hesitated, having trouble with the next word. “… trusts Riley. I’m the only one who’s going to risk getting on his bad side if I’m wrong.” )